Should you support your ladyboy girlfriend?

If you read my blog, you might feel like ladyboy and money are two matters that can’t be taken away from each other. And you’re right, as money is involved in 99% of the love relationships with ladyboys. Don’t make me wrong, it’s not bad in itself, but look, these girls  usually come from poor countries, and being a ladyboy takes money for a lot of things (surgery, hormones, clothes, make up…). And many ladyboys are or used to be sex workers, so they highly involve money in their relationships with men.

Ok so why am I writing all this? Here in Philippines (where I live with my ladyboy girlfriend) I can see a pattern that tends to repeat more and more. Well, I guess Thailand has the exact same thing. But very often, when a ladyboy has a foreign boyfriend (usually an older man from a western country, but not always older), she stops working and gets fully supported by her boyfriend or husband. After all, you are earning 10 times more than your ladyboy girlfriend, and providing that you are living together and already pay for the rent and groceries, that’d be pointless to let your girlfriend work 8 hours a day for just pocket money to you.

That could also be that you are not living together (you still live abroad) and sending money to your ladyboy girlfriend so that she can afford a living. Or you could also have a condo in Manila/Cebu where you spend two months every year and that your ladyboy girlfriend maintains when you’re away from the country.

Is it right to support your ladyboy girlfriend?

Well, is it right or is it wrong, it’s all up to you. I personally believe that work is big part of every human’s life. It makes you busy, teaches you the real value of money, you know, the money that you work hard to get, and what it takes to treat yourself with the latest smartphone instead of getting it falling form the sky (i.e letting your husband buying it, and all the other things too). Maybe it’s my French culture, but in a couple it’s unfair that one is working 8 hours a day and the other is just sitting on her ass taking the profits. And unfortunately, I know of many couples men-ladyboy who do like this.

I was talking to a friend of a friend on a terrace last day in Greenbelt (one of the big malls in Manila), and she told how bored she was (she had the time to meet me for a coffee any time of the day, while my agenda was of course more restricted). Basically, her husband, a British guy, owns a condo in Manila where he is living half of the year, and he spends the other half in the UK. He is the only one working in the couple, and her ladyboy wife is just doing nothing except some rare photo shoots.

When I was talking to another friend of mine, and asking her “What’s your type of man?”, she replied “Any type, as long as he can support me”. The girl is actually unemployed, and apparently plans to keep it that way until she gets a good hearted foreign husband… Fortunately she’s really hot, so she’s getting many foreign boyfriends and will easily get a husband sooner or later. I’m not worried for her.

Support your ladyboy girlfriend, but not too much

Of course, your ladyboy girlfriend possibly earns much less money than you do, if she is an average worker in the Philippines or Thailand, her salary is around 200 euros a month. Providing you earn around 1 500 euros a month, if you want to have the same lifestyle and live together, you’ll have to support her. But to the extent that she stops working and gets bored at home? I don’t believe it’s right.

And what often happens when a ladyboy is bored at home, she simply gets out with her friends, dance in club and eventually have fun with other boys. It’s not what you want for your future wife, do you? And it’s not what she wants either, but you know, when you’re bored… you lose your mind quick.

Talking about myself, Anne (my ladyboy girlfriend) just graduated her bachelor in economics and is actively looking for a job, she’s almost concluded a contract in a big company in Makati (the central business district of Manila). Am I supporting her? Of course I am, she has no revenue and her allowance from her parents doesn’t cover much. But she was not sitting on her ass doing nothing all this time, she was studying hard and that paid off as she graduated. We’ve been living together in a flat that is too expensive for her alone of course, but we made arrangement. I pay for the rent, she pays for the groceries. And she was doing some online work to get some extra dollars, because she believes it’s right if she shares the expenses in our couple.

That’s also part of the many stories, advices and analyses about love relationships with ladyboys that I share in my practical guide: How To Date A Ladyboy.

My point is, in my opinion, it’s not good for a person to be idle. Work is part of every human’s life, and it’s part of us, it’s part of what makes us humans and good humans. People who don’t work end up feeling like shit, like they’re useless and dependent on others. If it’s not possible for her to work (like if your ex-girlfriend was a prostitute and you don’t want her to continue), you can still do something. You can support her to resume her studies if she hasn’t any degree yet, or you can support her to set up a small business (they’re born entrepreneurs in Asia, they just need some capital sometimes). Why not setting up a small business together? (be careful on that one though, never set up a business in Asia with someone you don’t FULLY trust!)

Possibilities to keep her busy, productive and eventually happy and healthy (because it’s what matters!) are legion. Just don’t let her fall in the trap of the easy life, or if she is expecting it, maybe think twice before committing to that one girl.

Are you following the same opinion or is it just me? I would love to read from you, your reactions and feedbacks. And also, don’t forget that I’ve written a book about my story and a practical guide on dating the right ladyboy:

French young man living in the Philippines with my ladyboy girlfriend. I wrote a book about my experience on dating trans women here and I created the first decent dating site for trans women there

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35 thoughts on “Should you support your ladyboy girlfriend?

  1. I agree with most of this. Being idle and without aim can be fun to an extent but after months or years it makes someone feel dependent with low self-esteem and it makes it difficult to find a job in the future if you ever need one. Just because you do not have a job does not mean you can do nothing but watch TV or go out to clubs. Don’t forget your girlfriend/wife can also spend the day self-learning, doing chores, volunteering for organizations like STRAP or COLORS, working with non-profits (or churches, if she is religious), even hobbies like art, sports or gardening etc. Then, she can spend the day with you after you are done. Goal setting and achieving is really satisfying, even if it is not vocational. I do not think it is unreasonable for an arrangement like this as opposed to the ladyboy partying all the time while her partner is working.

  2. Hi Simon, I think youre right. Both in a couple should do something for the gathering of money thats needed for the household. And if only one is working, the other should at least do something at home (household, and so on). In former times it was normal that the wife was at home, looking for house or apartment and the children. But with ladyboys normally you dont have children, so it’s not that much to do at home.
    So my opinion also is, that both should work for the income of the pair, of the houshold, thats not less than fair.
    And if a philippine girl earn much less than a european guy, we have also to count, that life is also cheaper in the Philies than in Europe for example. So the girl aka partner can take is part for the income of the couple. Furthermore youre right, when you say its not good to get bored or even feel useless.
    And if a girl (woman or ladyboy) only wants to sit at home and spend the money from her husband, I would sugest not to be with her.

  3. It’s merely true, Simon. But We also have to consider about why most transgender woman are working as Prostitutes or uneducated?! The answer is because at some points, society doesn’t accept them.
    If Society can be possible giving a decent job, I am sure they are not just dependent like that.

    Anyhow, I think this issue also not happen for trans-people, social-cultural aspects a played significant rules, this related to gender roles.
    In Asian, women tend to be a submissive/dependent than men. So, if you have a look surrounding you, mainly in Asian like Indonesia (my own country), Malaysia, or Thailand, where you could see traditional-mindset that many men has superior feeling when it comes to relationship. So, it’s not fair if we just generalize happen over trans-people.

    Nevertheless, talking about relationship either trans-people or not, a good communication and trustworthy are main key to make that works.

    • That’s right, it also comes from the South East Asia culture, and discrimination is an issue. However some girls are lazy still :p

    • Exactly my point jane!
      I myself has nothing against with the Sex Industry. After all it is the oldest profession. The problem is not prostitution but the people who looks at it. Nevertheless, still a job.

      And yes, considering the cultural background of most Asian countries – which are role conscious society – it is a role of the man to be a good provider while it is the role of a good wife to rear family (house hold). There are cases in the Philippines that marriages become a failure, because the wife is ambitious and wants to have a career.

  4. Good point Jane on the discrimination, that would be highly discouraging and can put you in a rut if you let it.

    Simon makes a great point to. If she comes from a “working girl” (prostitution) background, a desperate foreigner is “easy pickins” for a street wise girl. Plus that business will make it hard for them to trust.

    Fortunately I found a “diamond in the rough”. Although poor she comes from a highly religious (not judgmental) family and she appreciates me without having to send her any money. I have given her a couple of small gifts (cheap makeup) and sent her a very very small amount of money but not because she asked for it. I sent it because she didn’t ask for it. She is just happy she has a future now.

    I wish I could send her money but because of temporary circumstances I don’t have it. Once DOMA get’s repealed we will be together.

    • Thanks for your comment mate, it’s always a pleasure to read you commenting on my blog 🙂 It’s nice to read that your relationship is going well and that you managed to pick up such a gem. I estimate myself a lucky bastard as well, my girlfriend also is a gem!

  5. Thanks again Simon for another great article!

    When I met my girl, she was working is a Cabaret show in Bangkok, not the famous Tiffany’s show, but a crew for hire type gig. For my first 4 visits after we started dating, I simply treated her to gifts and nice restaurants, and she never asked for anything more. This in itself was a sign to me that she was and honest and caring girl and money conscious, and most likely not a gold digger which we’ve all heard stories about.

    I also met her on the strip and as far as I was concerned, I was fairly sure she was a working girl. I later found out that she had just split up in her previous relationship and a couple of her ‘girlfriends’ convinced her that her best chance of getting a man was to work the strip – I was her first, and last client.

    As a surprise to her, on my 5th trip, which was a quick 5 day visit, I had decided that she needed stability and her own place. These girls in Thailand typically share a 1 bedroom flat/townhouse with 4 or more sleeping on the floor just to cover costs of the flat at around 3-4000Bht ($100-$130AU) per month. (Oh, BTW, I was invited over to a friends house in Thai-town Sydney AU – it was a 2 bedroom flat with 8 people living there, so it doesn’t necessarily just happen in Thailand, these Thai’s are in Australia on student visa’s and every spare cent they make gets funneled back to their families in Thailand). Anyway, I set a budget of 15,000Bht per month and told her that this is to pay for her town house, her car lease, her internet connection and her electricity. Anything she has left over she can use for whatever she needs, but that was all she was going to get. She budgeted and found a 2 bedroom townhouse in the suburbs of Bangkok and she was very happy.

    2 years down the track, I now send her 17,000Bht per month as costs have gone up, but she has found herself in a pickle because her Cabaret work has come to a halt. I’m not really sure what has brought this about, but I think it’s partly to do with the crew’s boss, who also manages a night stall and the boss found she was doing less work with the stall and making more money. Hence, she was no longer out in the huntings finding new gigs.

    On my last trip, I’ve simply told my girl that I respect people who work for a living (I have worked hard myself for 30+ years to get to where I am in the food chain after all) and that I believe she needs to find herself a full time job. I know she wants to run a beauty salon, but that will require study and funds to set up, so I’ve made her a deal that if she can raise ½ the cost of the study course, I’ll give her the other half. This means she’ll probably need to work as a checkout chick or something for a couple of years to raise that money, but then I’ll be in a position to move to Thailand permanently and then I’ll be able to support her in her business venture. She seems to be very happy to have these goals to reach now.

    • wow that’s awesome story, thanks a lot for sharing this 🙂 I’m glad you guys are having a sain and happy relationship!

  6. When I was talking to another friend of mine, and asking her “What’s your type of man?”, she replied “Any type, as long as he can support me”. The girl is actually unemployed, and apparently plans to keep it that way until she gets a good hearted foreign husband… Fortunately she’s really hot, so she’s getting many foreign boyfriends and will easily get a husband sooner or later. I’m not worried for her.

    I HATE THESE KIND OF PINAY!!! Date in Asia is full of these kind of girls! These are the lazy ones who play hearts for cold heart cash… no matter if they are 20 or 99, the one with the most money, she´ll go for that… life the luxerious lifestyle until he´s broke and move on to the next…. this is also the girl that will easily get bored in the end and wants more and more materialistic things to keep herself satisfied… I wonder WHO WANTS A GIRL LIKE THAT AFTER ALL? Noone right? First its fun but after she keeps spending and gets old and ugly things will quickly change…

  7. I am a ladyboy from the Philippines. I have a job and im supporting my family and myself. Though my salary is just enough for our need its really hard for me to go thru transitioning. I like this blog as it will explain everything that other guys to know about most of the Ladyboys from my country. Yes some of them are unemployed and only using their body and face to earn money but there are also some who’s looking for a serious relationship like me. Of course if my boyfriend will be willing to help me with my transition like lazer hair treatment, bust augmentation etc, I will definitely accept it but i will not ask for it from him. What important for me is to look for my love.

    • It would be bad to be generalising that all ladyboys are misbehaving of course 🙂 Thanks for your comment!

  8. Clearly a job or doing something that creates positive self esteem. Volunteer work is a great suggestion but can you imagine all the transgender girls that are on line for 8-12 hrs a day looking for a boy friend or husband doing volunteer work? It would be great for the country and great for the volunteer. If we as humans don’t seem to have a purpose or value in life or to an organization, business how can we value ourselves?

    With that in mind, I make it a point to only date or approach transgender women that are students or currently working in some sort of job(not as an escort). She has already demonstrated to me that she has motivation and would rather earn some money, even if it is small, than sit on her butt and watch TV or use the computer.

    The idea of discrimination in the Asian countries is certainly common place, however, there is certainly a large number of transgender women that have good, professional jobs and are well respected in the business world. If you do a good job, are honest, punctual, and willing to learn, there are many doors that are not closed to a transgendered person. I think too many times the cry of “I’m a ladyboy, and I’m discriminated against” is used as an excuse for not taking on the task of getting an education and finding a normal job. There are always job available for smart, hard working, good people.

    I approach the idea of a long term relationship as a partnership…both sharing in the daily life. I don’t need a maid or someone to cook for me(I know some western men want that) because I can do that myself. I’d rather have someone to share the tasks….cook when you feel like it, do laundry when you feel like it, etc. but as a team…It is said that Asian women are culturally taught to be subservient to men…..that may have been the case in the 20th century….but times are changing. Unfortunately many older, western men are still living in the 20th century and expect that from an Asian woman. That only helps to perpetuate that outdated philosophy. To me a wife/GF is a partner in life to share the good and bad.

    Ok that’s my 2 cents worth…..or 2 Euros worth….LOL.


    • I forgot to add that while I make a point of spending time with women that are working or students, I also make a point of not even talking with young women, younger than 30-35. Who am I kidding as a 50+ yr old man why would a gorgeous 20 something woman want to be in a relationship with me? I run, exercise, don’t smoke or take drugs and I’m very active in sports…..but I have to be honest. with myself. Get real men…it’s for your money. Yeh Yeh, the women will say that age doesn’t matter..hahahah….of course to them it doesn’t matter as long as you can be the ATM for them. Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why is a 25 yr old pretty woman dating a 50+ old, out of shape balding man? Some men understand that and choose to enter that kind of relationship. I have even heard men in Thailand make the comment when I ask about language difficulties and communication issues say they prefer if she doesn’t speak much…just take care of me. So for me… older transgender is the perfect partner….she has been thru the school of hard knocks(maybe) and understands what really matters in life….not partying, discos, designer handbags and hours at the mall…check out the transgender facebook profiles and get a inside look at the ladyboy pics that show their handbag collection, perfume and jewelry collection ,etc…..then you see where her values are…..good luck and changing the stripes on that tiger.


    • I really enjoyed reading your comment Rob, thank you, let me know if ever you come to Philippines 🙂

  9. Simon
    Could put me on some decent introduction group or individual I contacted a few but they are all dishonest and money making thiefs.Is there such thing? Im genuine and honest
    best regards

    • Decent introduction service for TS, there is none yet… That’s the reason why I’m in the process of developing one, the first of its kind (you can leave your email address there so you’ll be notified as soon as it gets live

      I know there are many men who are serious and genuine. There are also many TS who are genuine, but unfortunately they are often in the shadows of the less genuine.

  10. Am already 34, hope i can find a descent man with clean ntentions … am already tired of those sex-hungry perverts i met everyday online! my gooood!! my fb – Hannah Balase Love Thorsten

  11. Man supporting a ladyboy will most likely occur for as we know, ladyboys have more expenses on top of our regular daily needs (ex. HRT and other treatments that’s a part of ladyboys maintenance). There only a few ladyboys who grew up from a very supportive and well off family and ended up with a decent job that has decent earning as well. Is money an issue? the answer is YES. In fact it is an issue on all relationship. But let us differentiate SUPPORT from SPOILING. Most men tend to spoil their ladyboy girlfriend by giving her too much than what is really needed. Money becomes an issue if it is not used in the right context as to why the money was given.

  12. hi i would like to know how many ladyboys and their partners have adopted children as i know of a girl and her partner who have adopted a baby and are bringing the baby up as their own and was wondering how common it was for a ladyboy and a guy to do this

    • that’s a good question and I’m interested personally in the answer 🙂

      as far as I know, we’re still considered same-sex couples by law, and not much countries allow same-sex couples to adopt. One solution is that one of the two parents adopts the child legally on his own, so legally, the child just has one parent (to avoid administrative troubles, probably better if the guy adopts). The problem is that the child has only one parent legally. The mother has no legal right on him, and we never know what can happen. What if the guy passes away? The child would be put in an orphanage instead of staying with mom…

  13. I can relate to this Blog, i am a ladyboy from PHIL, who has western boyfriend.. fortunately i never thought that he would be planning to settle with me in PHIL or in his country. the only thing i am afraid of now is that when he told me about his plans that once we are officially wife and husband, i will stop working which i think is not healthy for both of us, im not sure if its a valid reason but he is just saying just to make sure i would not find someone better than him, i just paused and think after a while to absorb what he told me it seems he dont trust me that much to think i will be touching or ill let them touch me with out him.

  14. My Thai cousin ladyboy has two ‘sponsors’ one in Japan and one in Singapore and she makes sure that neither get to know about each other. This is hard work as you can imagine and to keep herself beautiful and cultured is a job in its own right. I don’t envy her position but happy to support her in her life decisions that she makes.

  15. I am curious can I get my ladyboy here to us if I go threw Hawaii? I have ladyboy friend in Philippines for 1yr and 6monthes want my partner here

  16. Let me first start off by saying, i enjoyed reading this blog. I am firm believer that in any type of relationship, whether heterosexual of homosexual relationship, each individual should be both capable of providing. Though, this may sound very idealistic. Being able to provide doesn’t mean that you should share an equal proportion of your finances – compromise is the key.
    Though I am really very keen to give my view on some of the premise that has been raised by the actual blog and the comments. So here it goes:
    Job for ladyboys:
    I am currently working as a Marketing Manager for an international company (i am still young and in my mid 20’s). I haven’t had any problem landing any job in the corporate industry. I feel bad that ladyboys are being branded as a prostitute which in reality is not. I have few good ladyboy friends who are really doing well in their career (and my staff is majority male) – this is a clear indication that in terms of job opportunities, gender is no longer a predominant factor that should be considered but what a person can bring to the table.
    Financial Support:
    I must agree that it feels good when your partner showers you with gifts and treats you like a woman. But I don’t like the thought of depending on your partner’s financial support or capability. Like what I have said in the first paragraph, both should be capable in providing. I am currently single (for 4 years now because im too busy with work and travel) and I am in no position to judge nor ridicule, at the end of the day, different folks with different strokes… so whatever works for certain type of relationship may not work for you or me… 
    Reading the blog made me realize one thing, I am happy that my parents accepted me for who I am… I can’t even recall me admitting to my parents that I am gay when I was a kid. All I know is growing up, I was raise as kid and do normal things like what a little girl would do. My parents supported me and honed to be the person of who I am today. You can say that my family can provide and I think that is the only difference. But whatever social status a ladyboy came from, she should be treated with utmost respect and with value as any human being should deserve! 

    • Thanks for your comment Gian 🙂 You’re a proud example of these every day heros who just live a normal life and break the stereotype that ladyboys are all prostitutes. From my experience, circle of friends and people I meet here in Philippines… yes being a ladyboy is not a hindrance for getting a job. Philippines has a high unemployment rate for EVERY Filipino, whatever the gender. We need more examples like you 🙂

  17. I have dated a number of Ladyboys they were not serious but they never got greedy. I have a Ladyboy girlfriend at present who is working but the demands for money get higher and she wants to finish work. I chose her as she said she had no family but now I find she wants to support them through me.
    I am on the verge of finishing with her .
    I do find that Ladboys are less demanding than women who have children or family.

  18. Dear simon
    Can I ask for your advise concerning my ladyboy girlfriend.
    Back in September of this year I decided to take the plunge
    and spent sometime with her and we hit it off straight away.
    I would like to say that we have been emailing and calling each other for about three years now.
    August next year I shall return to her in Cagayan de oro but I want her to spend sometime with me here in England uk. Is it hard to get her a visa for a short trip to the uk.
    I would a appreciate your advice please.
    Many thanks
    David foord

    • Hi David,

      Thanks for your message. Getting her a tourist visa is difficult (because Philippines is a poor country and immigration are always afraid she would stay illegally in the UK, that kind of things…) but not impossible if you’ve got time and money. It’s basically the crucial part, you need to prove that she has enough money to sustain her stay in the UK (or that you have enough money and you will sponsor her) and that she has reasons to come back to PH after her holidays (like she has a job, or a business, or owns a house…). One good point is that you already spent some time together in the Philippines, so you can show pictures and proves that your relationship is real.

      Best of luck!

  19. I am dating a person in Philippines. So far so good, and she is not asking for anything. Our connection is vey strong and we will meet in a few weeks. I will write in another ocassion how everything is going as time goes.

    About relationship with money, I cannot find any difference with any women I dated before. When I was younger I have been pushed on that way before ….we need a house to live, we need to pay for the wedding, don’t expect my parents can pay for such a ceremony…etc. Later I married a girl from Africa and I gave her the possibility to get a degree in UK and of course, she is working as a manager now….. Same story,…, cars, bills…..
    Guys, life is life and fortunately/unfortunately we need money to live and we are sacrificing our time in our work to get whetever we are looking for in live.

    About this kind of relationships the difference on income is a plus but it is the same in Europe, when the people has the money are her parents. Man, you need to provide!.

    In the other hand, can you be sensible to imagine what is passing for the mind of your beloved person, when she start knowing about your world? When you are talking with her about your live, your trips, your previous holidays, your house, your car and everything around you? . I am not a person using the verb I have, I have….in any kind of conversation. But is there, and you are showing to her the “paradise”, and you are telling to this person, “You are welcome!”. How you believe your beloved person can react? Well, I can say, she cannot be neutral and cold, is a human being like you are, put yourself on her skin. This can be a torture for her. A continuous fight with her principles, moral, sense of ethic (yep, as persons we carry this kind of values in different levels each to other)……You work, and you can have a “nice” life……She is working (I cannot accept an idle person on my life) probably more hours than you ( and with better performance and productivity, …..myself I can write this during my working time 🙂 ) to get peanuts….a poor family, brothers and sisters…..probably is the only one able to have an income in her family clan…..

    I don’t like to write here any kind of social manifesto, I hope you can catch the thought

    Friends, remember with money you can change a person. It is a dangerous stuff. You can change a person so much to the level to destroy her. At the end of the way when you both meet to live a life together, then nothing is there than remember you the person you loved the first time.
    No, she is not lying to you, she is not taking advantage of you… have been taking a huge effort on teaching her!

    My way…..I am been gentle and moderate in giving. Yes, I can give everything I can have to live the rest of my days in love. To no offend her, to no hurt her, when I have the surge to give, I am giving to charity……..

    And yes, the person I love is a “ladyboy” but is a person first, and from my side; she as a person, she can be whatever she likes to be……as far as she is herself, with the expected evolution though the years to come

    I will be at Davao between 25 and 31 August 2015

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