6 reasons why ladyboys doubt of men

Here is a problem that I wanted to tackle, that will maybe give men some insights about why do ladyboys doubt of men, a priori. More or less, I am compiling here the stories and experiences I’ve been told here and there amongst my friends (whether they’re online friends or real life friends) and from my Facebook group for dating ladyboys.

Yes, when you approach a ladyboy or the first time, she already has many doubts regarding your intentions. Maybe a very young one with no experience with men would not, but passed 20 years old she already had enough bad experiences to be quite doubtful. So here it is, you meet a ladyboy and you start to make acquaintance, you are at first labeled as a “potentially dangerous for her heart”. And then you have to more or less prove that you are worth her time.

Here are 6 reasons (6 typical stories I often hear) why ladyboys usually doubt of men.

1. Many men label ladyboys as sex-workers

And this fact is very true. Look at yourself. When this world is unknown to you and you try to get documented about ladyboys, everything you find is porn and escorts. Google for “ladyboys” and see for yourself, it’s full of porn. Google for “ladyboys in **any name of city**” and you will surely find a couple of escorting websites and classified ads for masseuses. Finally, spend your holidays in Thailand/Philippines and what you see of the transgender community is likely to be just prostitutes and bar girls…

I must be one of the only few websites/blogs that is pushing the topic further and seriously about the emotional debate. For the rest, it’s only about sex. So many men have this preconceived idea that ladyboys are sex workers, or sex objects. Thus they behave like pigs and it’s a waste of time and energy for these *innocent* ladyboys looking for love.

2. Men often use ladyboys to fulfil their fantasy

Ladyboys are all about fantasy of course. Why would a man be attracted to a ladyboy if it’s not because he has the sexual fantasy of an ultra feminised boy? But ladyboys are also humans, they’re not objects, and they’re not here to fulfil your fantasy. They are human beings looking for love, just like you. Of course, I am very happy with my ladyboy girlfriend, sexually happy, and I definitely like the fact that she is a ladyboy when we have sex. But I’m not using her for my curiousity, I am truly in love with her.

Most men, on the other hand, have the same fantasy and are crazy about turning this fantasy into reality, but nothing more. They will lie and make you believe they’re serious when in fact they just want to have a good fuck and go away. Ladyboys see it everyday.

3. Men could leave her because of the children

This is an issue for young men who don’t already have children. Older men who are already fathers (usually divorced, or willing to have a double relationship) are not really bothered that ladyboys can’t give birth. But when you’re young, and you have a ladyboy girlfriend but you know she can’t give you a child, that’s an issue.

Stories go that, often when men reach the age when they want to found a family and make children, they make the decision to break up with their ladyboy girlfriend and look for a genetic girl instead. They are still trans-oriented, but will keep it in the inside and go back to real women because they want children of their own blood.

4. Men could leave after she gets SRS

I can’t remember where I read this statistic, but indeed most of the men who are trans-oriented are attracted to pre-op / non-op ladyboys. A few percentage are attracted to post-ops (meaning she got her genitals cut and has an artificial vagina). So men lose interest when a transgender girl cuts off her penis (or does SRS — Sex Reassignment Surgery), and that’s a typical reason for break up.

While this reason is a bit subjective (when you love someone unconditionally, you must accept her the way she is, right?), it is something that I hear many times. Myself, I often think about it and I don’t want my girlfriend to get SRS. Luckily she doesn’t want it either, because of the health complications and because she loves sex too much, so our relationship is not affected by this.

5. Men might not assume their relationship openly

While the man could be truly serious and in love with his ladyboy girlfriend, he is maybe not ready to live with it to the eyes of the outside world. Walking in the street, holding the hand of your ladyboy girlfriend… Yes, people will stare at you, but you’re maybe just paranoid. If you are caucasian and you’re in Asia, people will stare at you anyways. If your ladyboy girlfriend is sexy, people will stare at you. But some men are paranoid and think too much.

“Can the people notice that my girlfriend is not a real girl?” They have this fear that people notice and badmouth about them. Often, the ladyboy is beautiful and passable, but men still feel this fear to face it in public. I don’t have this problem myself, my ladyboy girlfriend is very passable and almost nobody can tell that she’s not a real girl. People stare at us often (a beautiful couple Asian and caucasian, it’s catching attention!) but I just feel proud, and even though some gay guys will throw a wink to my girlfriend because they noticed her, I will not feel shy about it.

6. Odds of getting a serious boyfriend shrink as ladyboys get older

Getting a serious boyfriend, even husband, is a race against the clock for ladyboys. Outside beauty is like a flower, it fades away with the time… Of course, men are interested in young and beautiful ladyboys, so the odds of finding a life partner get smaller and smaller as ladyboys get older. If they’re still single passed 30, the situation gets bad for them.

At this age, they have enough bad experiences for being full of doubts when they meet new men. “Is this guy just going to use me for sex or is he seriously interested in a long term relationship with me?”

In any case, men are often liars. That’s well known, when they want to fuck, their brain is not anymore the organ that thinks, if you see what I mean… Since the ladyboy fantasy is so strong, and the opportunities limited, they often lie to get laid when in fact, one of the reasons cited above makes that they would never like to invest into anything serious.

When dating ladyboys, men should be aware of this handicap they have when they start courting a girl. You will be considered a player until you can prove her otherwise. Be polite and gentleman, talk to them like you’re talking to the most delicate of the women, not like you’re talking to a prostitute. These advices (almost guidelines) and many more come from my book: How to date a ladyboy.

And you what do you think about it? Can you increase the number of my 6 stereotypical stories or do you disagree on some of them? Thanks for commenting and sharing :)

French young man living in the Philippines with my ladyboy girlfriend. I wrote a book about my experience on dating transwomen here http://howtodatealadyboy.com and I created the first decent dating site for transwomen there http://myladyboydate.com

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12 thoughts on “6 reasons why ladyboys doubt of men

  1. Hi Simon,

    You had a great point, I really appreciate that you posted some cue. But, I think there is something else we might consider related to social media.
    Firstly, trans woman tend to be uncertain when she caught man has so many trans woman friend’s list on facebook, in their mind most likely ask “Is he tranny chaser?”
    Secondly, if man who is attracted to trans woman, but he still married currently with cisgender woman. “How can that relationship work? such an egoistic”
    Third, trans woman would think many times toward her appearance. “Does he like me without a big breast?”

    Lastly, that’s my own perspective regarding your article, Simon. Keep me updated your article. Thank you.

    • Very good thoughts that deserve to be added to the list, indeed. I personally don’t believe in married men, in all the stories I heard it never ends well…

      Facebook is always a relationship killer ahah true, well not only for ladyboys but for anybody. Often, ladyboys also have many admirers in their Facebook list, that works both ways.

      As for the big breast, that’s right also. I personally am fine with my girlfriend’s small hormonal boobs, I wouldn’t either mind if she decides to get implants, whatever makes her happy is fine with me. But yeah, other men might have their preference for bigger boobs. Well, it’s always possible to work it out, for some thousands dollars I think in Philippines? That can be a christmas gift and nice proof of love, maybe.

      Thanks for your comment!

  2. Simon,
    This is a very good article, and it should let the guys who like ladyboys know that even though a girl may seem very interested, in the back of her mind she is reserving judgment to see if the other shoe drops. I have heard many “femmeboys”, or ladyboys without breast implants worry that a guy will leave for a girl with breast implants and more feminine looks. This is a self doubt that often gets transferred onto the potential suitor, which can result in a girl constantly seeking affirmation that she is physically desirable.

    • Very true, breast appears to be one of the reasons that make ladyboys feel insecure about their partner. I personnally am fine with the small hormonal boobs of my ladyboy girlfriend, but I believe most men like bigger boobs… Wel, all tastes are in the nature.

  3. Hey I just read this and I’ve been dating a ladyboy now, I first met her 7½month ago then she was a prostitute working in a bar she wanted to have sex with me at that time, I said no. She also didnt say that she was a ladyboy

    But I asked her for her phone number and facebook instead and said to her that I wasnt interested to have sex becouse I see her as a person not a sex object. But we was drinking and spoke and had fun instead when I was going away I gave her 3000 bath and said “Here you go, now you dont need to have sex with some men for some time”

    Then after that we have been spoking in the phone, facebook camming with eachother.

    After speaking for 4 months she first told me that she was a ladyboy in a sms she was so scared of what I should say to her, I just said “I dont care if you are a ladyboy I see your heart” and we have now been together for 2 months already I love her very much. She havnt gone with a customer for 2months she still works bar but she will quit that in 1½ month now when I come down to see her again :)

    And how I know that she dont go with customer? is that I had a friend that I told him to go to her bar 2 weeks ago he started to speak to her and he asked wanna go having sex? and she said “no sorry I got boyfriend from Sweden havnt gone with customer for 2 months already”

    I am so happy to have her, and the funny thing was that I had no idea in the beginning and now when I know I dont care. And then again I never liked boys I see myself as straight but when I see her I get a smile on my face :)

  4. Hi Simon! Congrats for ur blog. Its really interesting.
    I ve read ur 6 reasons above and have to say that reasons number 3 and 4 are really making me headaches sometimes.
    Reason 4: I never tought it could be such a great problem for me, but in fact it is. I love my gf, so its ok, but yes. Sometimes I think its such a pity she got srs already. After all I like ladyboys more than real ladies so its like I m missing something. For sure I never speak with her about this as I know that her ex boyfriend (who I also know and is a friend of mine) finished his relationship exactly because she did the srs, so I don t want to devasted her feelings.
    About reason 3 I would like to make to u a personal question:
    How will u manage this issues in future? U don t think its a pity that you can not have a little kid u and ur gf can take care in future and that u know that u both are his natural parents?
    I really would like to have children in future, so I personally have to weight and see how deep is my love with her. (Maybe enough as I already accept reason 4).

    • Hi Kimi and thanks a lot for your interest :) Reason 3 (the children) is a big issue for me as well… I am still young and I’m not in a urge to get children RIGHT NOW. Probably when I reach 30-35 I’ll like to have children. Anne agrees with me that we’re not in a hurry.

      Then, we talked about two solutions. First is using one or two surrogacy mothers (so that we could get one kid from my blood and one kid from Anne’s), that would fill our human need for having descendants. Second would be adoption.

      Between the two, I’m more in favour of adoption. There are plenty of orphans in Philippines who would need a family to grow in. Instead of bringing new born children to our destroyed world, better if I can help one or two instead. Moreover (and that’s a big point), France is likely to soon open adoption to same-sex couples (2013-2014) so that would be a good solution.

      As for SRS, I’m confused. Fortunately Anne is from the transgenders who feel comfortable with their male genitals and doesn’t have the desire at all to get SRS. I can claim myself lucky ^^

  5. me 2 im in love with cambodian LB, i picked her up @ barstreet and never left her for 2 weeks till end vacantion, its after 4 days together i insited for sex i realized she wasnt a girl but i was allready in love so it didnt matter no more for me, i never liked man or LB butt now my life changed i really love her its now 2weeks ago i left her and i go live next month in cambodia together with her i hope she is serious but this chance i need to know if its real s . im only 24 she is 20 i get the right feedback from her and i dont think she goes with other men now… its so hard but only by livin with her i will see her real attentions, i made here cry onetime by telling her she was the worst girl i could fall in love for because her job offcourse i better think before saying mean stuff like this… but its very hard i very jealous and very in love, this site allready helped me alot!! good work

  6. Hi there! This article couldn’t be written any better! Going through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this. I will forward this post to him. Fairly certain he’s going to
    have a great read. Thank you for sharing!

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