If you read my blog, you might feel like ladyboy and money are two matters that can’t be taken away from each other. And you’re right, as money is involved in 99% of the love relationships with ladyboys. Don’t make me wrong, it’s not bad in itself, but look, these girls usually come from poor countries, and being a ladyboy takes money for a lot of things (surgery, hormones, clothes, make up…). And many ladyboys are or used to be sex workers, so they highly involve money in their relationships with men.
Ok so why am I writing all this? Here in Philippines (where I live with my ladyboy girlfriend) I can see a pattern that tends to repeat more and more. Well, I guess Thailand has the exact same thing. But very often, when a ladyboy has a foreign boyfriend (usually an older man from a western country, but not always older), she stops working and gets fully supported by her boyfriend or husband. After all, you are earning 10 times more than your ladyboy girlfriend, and providing that you are living together and already pay for the rent and groceries, that’d be pointless to let your girlfriend work 8 hours a day for just pocket money to you.
That could also be that you are not living together (you still live abroad) and sending money to your ladyboy girlfriend so that she can afford a living. Or you could also have a condo in Manila/Cebu where you spend two months every year and that your ladyboy girlfriend maintains when you’re away from the country.
Is it right to support your ladyboy girlfriend?
Well, is it right or is it wrong, it’s all up to you. I personally believe that work is big part of every human’s life. It makes you busy, teaches you the real value of money, you know, the money that you work hard to get, and what it takes to treat yourself with the latest smartphone instead of getting it falling form the sky (i.e letting your husband buying it, and all the other things too). Maybe it’s my French culture, but in a couple it’s unfair that one is working 8 hours a day and the other is just sitting on her ass taking the profits. And unfortunately, I know of many couples men-ladyboy who do like this.
I was talking to a friend of a friend on a terrace last day in Greenbelt (one of the big malls in Manila), and she told how bored she was (she had the time to meet me for a coffee any time of the day, while my agenda was of course more restricted). Basically, her husband, a British guy, owns a condo in Manila where he is living half of the year, and he spends the other half in the UK. He is the only one working in the couple, and her ladyboy wife is just doing nothing except some rare photo shoots.
When I was talking to another friend of mine, and asking her “What’s your type of man?”, she replied “Any type, as long as he can support me”. The girl is actually unemployed, and apparently plans to keep it that way until she gets a good hearted foreign husband… Fortunately she’s really hot, so she’s getting many foreign boyfriends and will easily get a husband sooner or later. I’m not worried for her.
Support your ladyboy girlfriend, but not too much
Of course, your ladyboy girlfriend possibly earns much less money than you do, if she is an average worker in the Philippines or Thailand, her salary is around 200 euros a month. Providing you earn around 1 500 euros a month, if you want to have the same lifestyle and live together, you’ll have to support her. But to the extent that she stops working and gets bored at home? I don’t believe it’s right.
And what often happens when a ladyboy is bored at home, she simply gets out with her friends, dance in club and eventually have fun with other boys. It’s not what you want for your future wife, do you? And it’s not what she wants either, but you know, when you’re bored… you lose your mind quick.
Talking about myself, Anne (my ladyboy girlfriend) just graduated her bachelor in economics and is actively looking for a job, she’s almost concluded a contract in a big company in Makati (the central business district of Manila). Am I supporting her? Of course I am, she has no revenue and her allowance from her parents doesn’t cover much. But she was not sitting on her ass doing nothing all this time, she was studying hard and that paid off as she graduated. We’ve been living together in a flat that is too expensive for her alone of course, but we made arrangement. I pay for the rent, she pays for the groceries. And she was doing some online work to get some extra dollars, because she believes it’s right if she shares the expenses in our couple.
That’s also part of the many stories, advices and analyses about love relationships with ladyboys that I share in my practical guide: How To Date A Ladyboy.
My point is, in my opinion, it’s not good for a person to be idle. Work is part of every human’s life, and it’s part of us, it’s part of what makes us humans and good humans. People who don’t work end up feeling like shit, like they’re useless and dependent on others. If it’s not possible for her to work (like if your ex-girlfriend was a prostitute and you don’t want her to continue), you can still do something. You can support her to resume her studies if she hasn’t any degree yet, or you can support her to set up a small business (they’re born entrepreneurs in Asia, they just need some capital sometimes). Why not setting up a small business together? (be careful on that one though, never set up a business in Asia with someone you don’t FULLY trust!)
Possibilities to keep her busy, productive and eventually happy and healthy (because it’s what matters!) are legion. Just don’t let her fall in the trap of the easy life, or if she is expecting it, maybe think twice before committing to that one girl.
Are you following the same opinion or is it just me? I would love to read from you, your reactions and feedbacks. And also, don’t forget that I’ve written a book about my story and a practical guide on dating the right ladyboy:
I agree with most of this. Being idle and without aim can be fun to an extent but after months or years it makes someone feel dependent with low self-esteem and it makes it difficult to find a job in the future if you ever need one. Just because you do not have a job does not mean you can do nothing but watch TV or go out to clubs. Don’t forget your girlfriend/wife can also spend the day self-learning, doing chores, volunteering for organizations like STRAP or COLORS, working with non-profits (or churches, if she is religious), even hobbies like art, sports or gardening etc. Then, she can spend the day with you after you are done. Goal setting and achieving is really satisfying, even if it is not vocational. I do not think it is unreasonable for an arrangement like this as opposed to the ladyboy partying all the time while her partner is working.
I agree with you Sean, voluntary working also is a very good posibility to spend time sensefull.
Hi Simon, I think youre right. Both in a couple should do something for the gathering of money thats needed for the household. And if only one is working, the other should at least do something at home (household, and so on). In former times it was normal that the wife was at home, looking for house or apartment and the children. But with ladyboys normally you dont have children, so it’s not that much to do at home.
So my opinion also is, that both should work for the income of the pair, of the houshold, thats not less than fair.
And if a philippine girl earn much less than a european guy, we have also to count, that life is also cheaper in the Philies than in Europe for example. So the girl aka partner can take is part for the income of the couple. Furthermore youre right, when you say its not good to get bored or even feel useless.
And if a girl (woman or ladyboy) only wants to sit at home and spend the money from her husband, I would sugest not to be with her.
Greeings
Marco
It’s merely true, Simon. But We also have to consider about why most transgender woman are working as Prostitutes or uneducated?! The answer is because at some points, society doesn’t accept them.
If Society can be possible giving a decent job, I am sure they are not just dependent like that.
Anyhow, I think this issue also not happen for trans-people, social-cultural aspects a played significant rules, this related to gender roles.
In Asian, women tend to be a submissive/dependent than men. So, if you have a look surrounding you, mainly in Asian like Indonesia (my own country), Malaysia, or Thailand, where you could see traditional-mindset that many men has superior feeling when it comes to relationship. So, it’s not fair if we just generalize happen over trans-people.
Nevertheless, talking about relationship either trans-people or not, a good communication and trustworthy are main key to make that works.
That’s right, it also comes from the South East Asia culture, and discrimination is an issue. However some girls are lazy still :p
Exactly my point jane!
I myself has nothing against with the Sex Industry. After all it is the oldest profession. The problem is not prostitution but the people who looks at it. Nevertheless, still a job.
And yes, considering the cultural background of most Asian countries – which are role conscious society – it is a role of the man to be a good provider while it is the role of a good wife to rear family (house hold). There are cases in the Philippines that marriages become a failure, because the wife is ambitious and wants to have a career.
Good point Jane on the discrimination, that would be highly discouraging and can put you in a rut if you let it.
Simon makes a great point to. If she comes from a “working girl” (prostitution) background, a desperate foreigner is “easy pickins” for a street wise girl. Plus that business will make it hard for them to trust.
Fortunately I found a “diamond in the rough”. Although poor she comes from a highly religious (not judgmental) family and she appreciates me without having to send her any money. I have given her a couple of small gifts (cheap makeup) and sent her a very very small amount of money but not because she asked for it. I sent it because she didn’t ask for it. She is just happy she has a future now.
I wish I could send her money but because of temporary circumstances I don’t have it. Once DOMA get’s repealed we will be together.
Thanks for your comment mate, it’s always a pleasure to read you commenting on my blog
It’s nice to read that your relationship is going well and that you managed to pick up such a gem. I estimate myself a lucky bastard as well, my girlfriend also is a gem!
Thanks again Simon for another great article!
When I met my girl, she was working is a Cabaret show in Bangkok, not the famous Tiffany’s show, but a crew for hire type gig. For my first 4 visits after we started dating, I simply treated her to gifts and nice restaurants, and she never asked for anything more. This in itself was a sign to me that she was and honest and caring girl and money conscious, and most likely not a gold digger which we’ve all heard stories about.
I also met her on the strip and as far as I was concerned, I was fairly sure she was a working girl. I later found out that she had just split up in her previous relationship and a couple of her ‘girlfriends’ convinced her that her best chance of getting a man was to work the strip – I was her first, and last client.
As a surprise to her, on my 5th trip, which was a quick 5 day visit, I had decided that she needed stability and her own place. These girls in Thailand typically share a 1 bedroom flat/townhouse with 4 or more sleeping on the floor just to cover costs of the flat at around 3-4000Bht ($100-$130AU) per month. (Oh, BTW, I was invited over to a friends house in Thai-town Sydney AU – it was a 2 bedroom flat with 8 people living there, so it doesn’t necessarily just happen in Thailand, these Thai’s are in Australia on student visa’s and every spare cent they make gets funneled back to their families in Thailand). Anyway, I set a budget of 15,000Bht per month and told her that this is to pay for her town house, her car lease, her internet connection and her electricity. Anything she has left over she can use for whatever she needs, but that was all she was going to get. She budgeted and found a 2 bedroom townhouse in the suburbs of Bangkok and she was very happy.
2 years down the track, I now send her 17,000Bht per month as costs have gone up, but she has found herself in a pickle because her Cabaret work has come to a halt. I’m not really sure what has brought this about, but I think it’s partly to do with the crew’s boss, who also manages a night stall and the boss found she was doing less work with the stall and making more money. Hence, she was no longer out in the huntings finding new gigs.
On my last trip, I’ve simply told my girl that I respect people who work for a living (I have worked hard myself for 30+ years to get to where I am in the food chain after all) and that I believe she needs to find herself a full time job. I know she wants to run a beauty salon, but that will require study and funds to set up, so I’ve made her a deal that if she can raise ½ the cost of the study course, I’ll give her the other half. This means she’ll probably need to work as a checkout chick or something for a couple of years to raise that money, but then I’ll be in a position to move to Thailand permanently and then I’ll be able to support her in her business venture. She seems to be very happy to have these goals to reach now.
wow that’s awesome story, thanks a lot for sharing this
I’m glad you guys are having a sain and happy relationship!
When I was talking to another friend of mine, and asking her “What’s your type of man?”, she replied “Any type, as long as he can support me”. The girl is actually unemployed, and apparently plans to keep it that way until she gets a good hearted foreign husband… Fortunately she’s really hot, so she’s getting many foreign boyfriends and will easily get a husband sooner or later. I’m not worried for her.
I HATE THESE KIND OF PINAY!!! Date in Asia is full of these kind of girls! These are the lazy ones who play hearts for cold heart cash… no matter if they are 20 or 99, the one with the most money, she´ll go for that… life the luxerious lifestyle until he´s broke and move on to the next…. this is also the girl that will easily get bored in the end and wants more and more materialistic things to keep herself satisfied… I wonder WHO WANTS A GIRL LIKE THAT AFTER ALL? Noone right? First its fun but after she keeps spending and gets old and ugly things will quickly change…
I am a ladyboy from the Philippines. I have a job and im supporting my family and myself. Though my salary is just enough for our need its really hard for me to go thru transitioning. I like this blog as it will explain everything that other guys to know about most of the Ladyboys from my country. Yes some of them are unemployed and only using their body and face to earn money but there are also some who’s looking for a serious relationship like me. Of course if my boyfriend will be willing to help me with my transition like lazer hair treatment, bust augmentation etc, I will definitely accept it but i will not ask for it from him. What important for me is to look for my love.
It would be bad to be generalising that all ladyboys are misbehaving of course
Thanks for your comment!
Clearly a job or doing something that creates positive self esteem. Volunteer work is a great suggestion but can you imagine all the transgender girls that are on line for 8-12 hrs a day looking for a boy friend or husband doing volunteer work? It would be great for the country and great for the volunteer. If we as humans don’t seem to have a purpose or value in life or to an organization, business how can we value ourselves?
With that in mind, I make it a point to only date or approach transgender women that are students or currently working in some sort of job(not as an escort). She has already demonstrated to me that she has motivation and would rather earn some money, even if it is small, than sit on her butt and watch TV or use the computer.
The idea of discrimination in the Asian countries is certainly common place, however, there is certainly a large number of transgender women that have good, professional jobs and are well respected in the business world. If you do a good job, are honest, punctual, and willing to learn, there are many doors that are not closed to a transgendered person. I think too many times the cry of “I’m a ladyboy, and I’m discriminated against” is used as an excuse for not taking on the task of getting an education and finding a normal job. There are always job available for smart, hard working, good people.
I approach the idea of a long term relationship as a partnership…both sharing in the daily life. I don’t need a maid or someone to cook for me(I know some western men want that) because I can do that myself. I’d rather have someone to share the tasks….cook when you feel like it, do laundry when you feel like it, etc. but as a team…It is said that Asian women are culturally taught to be subservient to men…..that may have been the case in the 20th century….but times are changing. Unfortunately many older, western men are still living in the 20th century and expect that from an Asian woman. That only helps to perpetuate that outdated philosophy. To me a wife/GF is a partner in life to share the good and bad.
Ok that’s my 2 cents worth…..or 2 Euros worth….LOL.
ALOHA
I forgot to add that while I make a point of spending time with women that are working or students, I also make a point of not even talking with young women, younger than 30-35. Who am I kidding as a 50+ yr old man why would a gorgeous 20 something woman want to be in a relationship with me? I run, exercise, don’t smoke or take drugs and I’m very active in sports…..but I have to be honest. with myself. Get real men…it’s for your money. Yeh Yeh, the women will say that age doesn’t matter..hahahah….of course to them it doesn’t matter as long as you can be the ATM for them. Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why is a 25 yr old pretty woman dating a 50+ old, out of shape balding man? Some men understand that and choose to enter that kind of relationship. I have even heard men in Thailand make the comment when I ask about language difficulties and communication issues say they prefer if she doesn’t speak much…just take care of me. So for me…..an older transgender is the perfect partner….she has been thru the school of hard knocks(maybe) and understands what really matters in life….not partying, discos, designer handbags and hours at the mall…check out the transgender facebook profiles and get a inside look at the ladyboy pics that show their handbag collection, perfume and jewelry collection ,etc…..then you see where her values are…..good luck and changing the stripes on that tiger.
Aloha….again…LOL
I really enjoyed reading your comment Rob, thank you, let me know if ever you come to Philippines
Simon
Could put me on some decent introduction group or individual I contacted a few but they are all dishonest and money making thiefs.Is there such thing? Im genuine and honest
best regards
Paul
Decent introduction service for TS, there is none yet… That’s the reason why I’m in the process of developing one, the first of its kind (you can leave your email address there so you’ll be notified as soon as it gets live http://myladyboydate.com)
I know there are many men who are serious and genuine. There are also many TS who are genuine, but unfortunately they are often in the shadows of the less genuine.
Thank you for your reply will wait and except your advice
Am already 34, hope i can find a descent man with clean ntentions … am already tired of those sex-hungry perverts i met everyday online! my gooood!! my fb – Hannah Balase Love Thorsten
Man supporting a ladyboy will most likely occur for as we know, ladyboys have more expenses on top of our regular daily needs (ex. HRT and other treatments that’s a part of ladyboys maintenance). There only a few ladyboys who grew up from a very supportive and well off family and ended up with a decent job that has decent earning as well. Is money an issue? the answer is YES. In fact it is an issue on all relationship. But let us differentiate SUPPORT from SPOILING. Most men tend to spoil their ladyboy girlfriend by giving her too much than what is really needed. Money becomes an issue if it is not used in the right context as to why the money was given.