Mariage with a transsexual woman / ladyboy

That’s an issue that I wanted to tackle, since I am thinking about it personally (I have been thinking about it for quite a long time actually). I love Anne (my Filipino ladyboy girlfriend), Anne loves me, it’s been now around 3 years that we are together, and we want to make it last forever. If things go well, time will come that we want to get married for real, have children and build a real family.

The issue with marrying a transsexual woman

Well, the issue is pretty straight forward, and lies on two levels: legal and religious. Many of you might not consider the religious marriage as important as the legal one, or the other way around. Surprisingly, the religious issue can be solved way more easily than the legal one.

Because ladyboys are born male, they are legally considered males. There are legal procedures to change legal sex (it might require her to undergo Sex Reassignment Surgery — understand: cutting off her special something — or not), but: 1) not all ladyboys actually want to cut it off (some are truly happy with it), and 2) that might not even be enough to be eligible for marrying a ladyboy. Because ladyboys are legally considered men, marrying a ladyboy falls under the category of same-sex marriage, and then, laws are very different from a country to another (and within the USA, from a state to another).

If you want to get married in an Asian country (i.e Philippines, Thailand …) then forget about it, as these countries give absolutely no rights to same-sex relationships. Africa and Middle-East, same situation. Usually, the most gay-friendly places are in western countries. Same-sex marriage is allowed and legal and what I like to call the “LGBT havens” countries which are the Northen Europe countries (Norway, Sweden, Netherlands — Netherlands was even the first country in the world to legalise same-sex marriage in 2001), Spain, Canada and Portugal. For USA, it depends on the state, but Obama recently declared he was in favour of a federal law that allows same-sex marriage, and I appreciate his decision. Note that for these countries cited previously, some require that your girlfriend had SRS, some others don’t require it.

Alternatives to marriage

Other countries don’t allow same-sex marriage, but have a replacement for it: same-sex union, or same-sex civil partnership… Names might vary from a country to another, but it’s basically an union that is supposed to give you the same legal rights as a married couple, only the name is different. France, UK, Germany, Australia, New-Zealand… are countries that allow same-sex union. And this union doesn’t require any SRS.

That’s already many solutions that come up for unifying with your ladyboy girlfriend, depending on your nationality. Besides, most of the churches and priests will of course refuse to marry you in the name of God, but you can find in every country some advanced-minded priests who will agree to do it. The Metropolitan Community Church (in the Philippines) accepts to celebrate same-sex marriage for example, and we’re talking about one of the most Roman Catholic conservative country in the world. On my personal opinion, I believe being married in the eyes of God is more important than being married legally, as both Anne and I are Roman Catholics, and so are our families.

Finally, another solution would be, why not never getting married at all? Will it prevent you from spending the rest of your life together, being there caring for each other, building a family and raising kids? It’s also an option. I believe we live in a modern world where the family standards are not really standards anymore, and more and more people live in marge of the society, with marginal lives and lifestyles, and it’s getting more and more accepted.

Love is all what matters. I can see laws and mentalities are evolving in the right direction for LGBT people, so I’d recommend not to be much afraid of “what will happen when my ladyboy girlfriend and I decide to get married but can’t do it legally?”. By 10 years from now, same-sex marriage might well be allowed everywhere on earth. Again, love is all what matters. If you love your ladyboy girlfriend, then just go for it!

French young man living in the Philippines with my ladyboy girlfriend. I wrote a book about my experience on dating transwomen here http://howtodatealadyboy.com and I created the first decent dating site for transwomen there http://myladyboydate.com

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18 thoughts on “Mariage with a transsexual woman / ladyboy

  1. Great article…yes marriage is the final frontier in Ladyboy relationships. My feeling is that many filipino Ladyboys dream of a guy who would commit to accept them at such a level to consider marriage, even if it isn’t legally recognized in the Philippines. However, the commitment in the heart is more important than the legal recognition in my opinion. Also, you are correct, there are plently of forward looking churchs and priests who will bless your union in the eyes of God, even if not recognized by the state. So, Simon I wish you and Anne well on whatever decision you make for the two of you. But it looks like you have already made it since you have moved to the Philippines, and are building a life together in Manilla.
    Randi.
    P.S. Sorry I missed you when I was in Cebu. My girlfriend and I only had one day in Cebu before we went to Boracay for our vacation. Best wishes.

    • Yes Randi I have the same belief, that legal marriage is just a piece of paper to sign… commitment in our hearts for life is what matters, whether it’s sealed with a contract or not ;-)

      No problem for Cebu, I’m not moving from Philippines so we’ll meet up next time you come. Hope you enjoyed Boracay ;-)

  2. In Spain,it is legal tha marriage of same sex persons, and the adoption of children..France is near Spain,they both belong to the European Union…you must look at this possibility.And from here, i bless your marriage…kisses

    • Thanks, actually my plan is Belgium, it’s also near France and they speak the same language. You’re right, Spain is more advanced than France for LGBT rights so far…

      Thanks for the blessings :)

    • Dear Simon, I can give you a lot of advice on marrying in Belgium. First of all it is one of the most easiest countries in Europe to bring your special girl too concerning immigration. Second of all, gay marriage is allowed, but if you are more patient you can just marry as man and wife. Just have a legal partnership, let her gender get changed (legally!!! No surgery needed!!!) and simply marry her as a girl if you would like that better. You should both be resident. If you purely marry in Belgium and don’t live there, your marriage may under certain circumstances not be valid in France: ‘abus de droit’. If you want to know more just reply… I’ll just send you a mail then. I have some questions for you concerning the Philippines anyway. Kind regards

    • Thank you mate I’ll look into your email :) And will help you as I can with your questions about Philippines.

  3. As in some cases, I’d think that trans-women feel comfortable and honoured when they tied the knot under the category of heterosexual marriage. That’s what I’d prefer to. :-)

    • I believe that’s the best thing that can happen yeah. However we don’t really have much choice yet, depending on which country you’re living in.

      Thanks for your comment :)

  4. Me and my girlfriend hope that we can be marriage for next year and I’m happy that I live in Sweden :)

    But still for me she is a girl I dont call her ladyboy not a boy I call her a girl and for me its not same sex marriage coz for me she is a girl she got an extra part but who cares about that? we cant have children but I told her that I dont care that we cant have children like if we want we can always adopt :)

    But must say I like your blog very much, just found it today :)

    • I exactly think and behave like you do Daniel :) Lucky you you’re swedish, I can’t marry my girlfriend in France at the moment (maybe in a couple of years that will be legal…)

    • I agree with you Daniel, I am engaged to the most beautiful wonderful girl, I don`t call her my ladyboy because to me she is all girl and I do not care at all in what she has down below because for Jee and myself it is true love.

  5. so, If I’m a man phsically but I want to have a relation with a lady boy but I want her to be my man in our sexual relation(I mean I’m negative and she is the positive partner in the relation) and I don’t like to have that from a man just a lady boy, so what you can call me and call here?

    • I call that you know what you like :) When you assume it, you’ll be in peace with your own desires.

  6. I also have a ladyboy girlfriend in the Philippines. I have bee together for 3 years on visits from me in the USA to there. And now I will be there for 5 months. Still we would like to marry and come back to the US but if not possible I will stay there in the Philippines. Any one with help or comments would be appreciated.

    • Sounds reasonable. If your girl is eligible for a US visa than it rocks, otherwise you look flexible enough in your professional life (and you have the balls also) for relocating to the Philippines and that’s a good thing! I live in Manila myself, together with my ladyboy girlfriend, but I’m a lucky guy, I work online ;)

  7. About the church ceremony. I think that if the ladyboy is extremely passable, you can just say the priest she’s genetic. He won’t be looking under her skirt, will he? But of course if they need ID documents, this won’t apply.

  8. of course this is a bit dated as uk now allows same sx marriage as well as allowing transsexuals to change their sex legally without a sex change when she becomes a uk citizen. I would be interested in discovering if belgium allows this without being a citizen

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