That’s an issue that I wanted to tackle, since I am thinking about it personally (I have been thinking about it for quite a long time actually). I love Anne (my Filipino ladyboy girlfriend), Anne loves me, it’s been now around 3 years that we are together, and we want to make it last forever. If things go well, time will come that we want to get married for real, have children and build a real family.
The issue with marrying a transsexual woman
Well, the issue is pretty straight forward, and lies on two levels: legal and religious. Many of you might not consider the religious marriage as important as the legal one, or the other way around. Surprisingly, the religious issue can be solved way more easily than the legal one.
Because ladyboys are born male, they are legally considered males. There are legal procedures to change legal sex (it might require her to undergo Sex Reassignment Surgery — understand: cutting off her special something — or not), but: 1) not all ladyboys actually want to cut it off (some are truly happy with it), and 2) that might not even be enough to be eligible for marrying a ladyboy. Because ladyboys are legally considered men, marrying a ladyboy falls under the category of same-sex marriage, and then, laws are very different from a country to another (and within the USA, from a state to another).
If you want to get married in an Asian country (i.e Philippines, Thailand …) then forget about it, as these countries give absolutely no rights to same-sex relationships. Africa and Middle-East, same situation. Usually, the most gay-friendly places are in western countries. Same-sex marriage is allowed and legal and what I like to call the “LGBT havens” countries which are the Northen Europe countries (Norway, Sweden, Netherlands — Netherlands was even the first country in the world to legalise same-sex marriage in 2001), Spain, Canada and Portugal. For USA, it depends on the state, but Obama recently declared he was in favour of a federal law that allows same-sex marriage, and I appreciate his decision. Note that for these countries cited previously, some require that your girlfriend had SRS, some others don’t require it.
Alternatives to marriage
Other countries don’t allow same-sex marriage, but have a replacement for it: same-sex union, or same-sex civil partnership… Names might vary from a country to another, but it’s basically an union that is supposed to give you the same legal rights as a married couple, only the name is different. France, UK, Germany, Australia, New-Zealand… are countries that allow same-sex union. And this union doesn’t require any SRS.
That’s already many solutions that come up for unifying with your ladyboy girlfriend, depending on your nationality. Besides, most of the churches and priests will of course refuse to marry you in the name of God, but you can find in every country some advanced-minded priests who will agree to do it. The Metropolitan Community Church (in the Philippines) accepts to celebrate same-sex marriage for example, and we’re talking about one of the most Roman Catholic conservative country in the world. On my personal opinion, I believe being married in the eyes of God is more important than being married legally, as both Anne and I are Roman Catholics, and so are our families.
Finally, another solution would be, why not never getting married at all? Will it prevent you from spending the rest of your life together, being there caring for each other, building a family and raising kids? It’s also an option. I believe we live in a modern world where the family standards are not really standards anymore, and more and more people live in marge of the society, with marginal lives and lifestyles, and it’s getting more and more accepted.
Love is all what matters. I can see laws and mentalities are evolving in the right direction for LGBT people, so I’d recommend not to be much afraid of “what will happen when my ladyboy girlfriend and I decide to get married but can’t do it legally?”. By 10 years from now, same-sex marriage might well be allowed everywhere on earth. Again, love is all what matters. If you love your ladyboy girlfriend, then just go for it!